to whom it maybe concerned. i just don't understand, i guess i'm just trying to fit into shoes that are too small for me, and have way outgrown. (though my feet are ridiculously small). i guess its all the measure of expectations, being 20 and old and all, and being through so much, that you kinda expect others to think the same, or have the time, space and mental capacity to think the same way. not to belittle anyone of course, but we all need time to grow up. especially myself, trying to be 15 or 16 all over again.
i went to kino last night to look for comics and books to buy, when i stumbled upon otto fong's comic. though it was nicely plastic wrapped, the front cover with the phrase 'arts at the atrium' just tempted me into parting with my 16 dollars. after i had planned worship with joey in church today, i spent some time fingering through the comic, and though it was not calvin and hobbes standard, it provided pure reminisce of days when we used to do complete rubbish back in ri. completely miss those days, and as i sat in the fellowship hall laughing to myself at all the stupid memories and incidents, i just wonder. how much i have really grown up.
haven't been spending much time with ppl my age, with exceptions to the 87 outings that the girls always push for. having ord-ed, and crossed the magical 20-barrier, i have entered into this mysterious unknown, a time that when i was in ns i thought i'd never reach. but yet im here, not complaining about the freedom, but just lost and confused. at what to do next. much guidance and help is available, but not sought. instead seeking to hide in the comfort zone of which i have made pretty plushy and comfortable over the years. how willing i am to step out of it, i don't exactly know, the million steps required to apply for us universities is feeling VERY alien indeed already. i'm trying to dare myself to step out of it, but i'm very sure that even if i don't take the baby steps now, sooner or later i'd just be kicked out, and rudely awakened by reality.
ord is supposed to be a period of freedom, bliss and terrible lot of time to do everything and nothing at the same time. but its turning out to be that, it is going to be a mad rush after all. driving, scholarships, applications, camp, christmas, work, helping, organizing, arranging, ensuring, meeting, talking, complaining, sleeping, thinking, pondering,
stoning.
arts at the atrium. training til i drop dead. throwing chairs. eating durians. rushing hw.
memories i have to lay to rest.
setting priorities... right.
Labels: arts at the atrium :)
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